MBTI love fest

I’m gonna be honest and direct, because I can’t help it. I’m a Virgo, only child, and I’m an ESTJ. My better half, also known as Dreamboat when I’m talking on the internet, is an INFJ.

I’m totally one of those people who spends too much time thinking about her MBTI. I also spend too much time thinking about my top five strengths due to StrengthsQuest. (Input, Individuation, Analytical, Activator, Connectedness). I’m a taxonomist, and I love being able to analyze things through the lens of some kind of theory–whether that be Jungian psychology or modern day leadership stuff.

I’m in a romantic relationship that can be classified a bunch of different ways. We’re queer. We’re both butch identified. We’re both female-bodied. There’s a decade age difference between us. We are currently living 500 miles apart (but started off in the same place). In addition to all of that, we have a lot in common but are also incredibly different when it comes to how we process emotional experiences and general information.

My partner will talk about something and I will sit there dumbfounded on the other end of the phone. A good number of our conversations include me saying something like “Can you explain that in less abstract terms? I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Sometimes this comes before I’ve irritated the shit out of my partner, sometimes it comes after.

Because I’m such a taxonomist, it really helped me to sit down and read up a lot on each of our MBTI information. Nerdily, I sent this information along to my partner in an email and we discuss it on the regular when navigating through the communication issues that come up between people who spend most of their time together on the phone or Skype.

I asked Dreamboat if the INFJ description seemed accurate and I got a resounding yes. I asked if the ESTJ describes me well, and I got a resounding yes. Some of the things that Dreamboat highlighted about INFJ:

* The INFJ’s rare combo of vision & practicality often results in them taking on too much responsibility in the causes they are drawn to
* They’re often mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing (This is true for Dreamboat all of the time. I am actually the E of our pair, and I’m often mistaken by people for an I.)
*The I / J combo makes it difficult for INFJ to articulate their deepest feelings because of a tug-of-war between vision & practicality.

Dreamboat observes that I fit ESTJ too perfectly in these areas:

* ESTJ thrives on order & continuity…extraverted focus is on organization, so they are supervisors who enforce rules. (This is spot-on for my job.)
* ESTJ loves to provide and receive good service.
* Power & prestige must be worked for and earned.
* Outspoken person of principles which are readily expressed.

So, what does all of this say for us? We’re such opposites in so many ways, but then we also have a lot in common.

The hope I have is that it means that we challenge and balance each other. I worry a little bit that if we decide to parent children together, I will be the disciplinarian and Dreamboat will be the fun, sweet one. I totally have a fun, sweet side, but it always takes a backseat to getting shit done. I have to remind myself to be tender, to do sweet things for people, to express my gratitude. Expressing emotional tenderness comes easily to Dreamboat, or so it seems to me.

I know that looking at our personalities through this lens doesn’t solve our every problem–sometimes we just miscommunicate because we’re humans. But it’s been really helpful to me to know that I’m lucky enough to have been chosen by a rare, amazing, idealist flower that I’m so in love with, and so grateful to be with.